長くなりがちな説明文を、短くするコツ。

こんにちは、スワンです

リーフレットに入れる文章、どうしても長くなってしまうんですっ

作品やお仕事の内容を、

少しでもお客様に伝えたい=お客様に安心してほしい

皆さんの、そんな温かな心づかいから、

どうしても文章は長くなってしまいがち。

しかし、文字だらけのリーフレットは、
伝えたい気持ちの逆効果になってしまうことも

現在進行中の、こちらのサロンリーフレットの中の、

「トリートメントの流れ」のページです。

まずはご自身でデザインしていただきました

印象はどうですか?

・説明は丁寧だけど文字が多い

・整然と見やすいけれど、事務的にも見える

・わからない(難しい)専門用語がある

など、感じるところは人それぞれでしょう。

このページの文章を、もっと短く、

さらに読み進めてみたくなるように工夫するコツって

どんなところにあるでしょう。

ポイントとしては

1)見てわかること(写真やイラストで)、後から説明できることは極力はぶく
2)丁寧語を止め、体言止めを使う
3)専門用語は噛み砕く、またははぶく
4)お客様は、提供者がどうするかよりも、自分がどうなるかを知りたい
5)同じ言葉が重なっていないかチェック
6)目線で飽きさせない

と、私は考えています。

スワンの手直しではこうなりました。

※今回サロン「美人プロジェクト」という企画のため、プロジェクトという言葉を使っています

要になるお写真は、昼の時間帯に撮り直していただきました。

それだけで、全体的にぱっと明るくなりましたよね

お客様に内容をイメージしていただくためには、

文章は端的に、写真やイラストを使ってパッとわかりやすく、

そしてワクワクするような、視線の誘導を工夫してみましょう

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